<![CDATA[Many Kind Regards

<![CDATA[Many Kind Regards - MKR Writers]]>Tue, 20 Aug 2024 07:12:44 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[Don't be a Bully-Tog]]>Mon, 19 Oct 2015 16:24:08 GMThttp://www.manykindregards.com/mkr-writers/dont-be-a-bully-tog

Remember when you picked up your first camera? Remember that feeling of excitement and possibility surging through your fingers? Three and a half years ago that was me, so excited and anxious to take photos of everyone and everything. I felt like I could take on the world. Then reality kicked in.

Before continuing on I want you to ask yourself, have you ever been a bully?
When I first picked up my camera I was a point and shoot diva. I threw that baby in auto and clicked away, shooting my friends and their kids. My friends, who were so wonderfully supportive, loved every photo, even the terrible ones. Once I learned some new modes on my little Sony NEX 3, I wanted to venture into boudoir photography and I had just the model for it. She agreed to pose in her lingerie for me and gave me permission to post the photos online. These were all done in good test with no nudity. I had several other models start to contact me for photos. My Facebook fan page grew overnight from 100 likes to 1500 likes.
With the new popularity, I began to enter into a new level of confidence and pride.
Then I began to wonder: did people really like my photos? All my pride and confidence was smashed on a fall afternoon. I awoke to great news; I was being published with the first boudoir photos I ever shot. I was so excited that I immediately shared the news on my Facebook page. Like after like began to appear on my status, comments saying “congrats girl!” kept coming. I excitedly continued to check my post. Then I was tagged in a post on a private group: the post read, “Wow, they really publish anything these day. Look at this dependa fauxtog and her slutty porn star ‘model.” My heart sank.

As a professional or even a long time hobbyist, we are always learning. Everyone starts somewhere.

I’m a non-confrontational person, but seeing this made me so upset I had to say something. I replied with “Why would you say something like that about someone? I have no idea who you are and I don’t understand why you dislike me so much.” I should have just left it at that and blocked those mean girls right away, but I didn’t. For three hours I received terrible messages and comments saying things such as how dare I photograph pornography, I suck, I should just die and never take another photo again. I spent about a week feeling sorry for myself and crying. This bullying continued for months, from the same three women whom I had never met. Then a male photographer chimed in on his page belittling me and the model who was in the photographs.

This man made my life a living nightmare. He created several fake pages, with the sole purpose of commenting on my photos, mocking the poses, saying the models were ugly, and telling me I suck. He still leaves fake reviews on my website. What kind of professional does this?
This might surprise you, but this type of “criticism” happens on a daily basis to new or less educated photographers. This seems to be the new norm on these Facebook groups. I’ve seen photographers made fun of for their youthful appearance, ganged up on over a photo taken on a train track, and there are even “fauxtog” pages where they share photos they think suck.
This cyber bullying needs to stop. Yes, some photos are really terrible, but no human should be treated this way. As a professional or even a long time hobbyist, we are always learning. Everyone starts somewhere. Sure, the photos on the train tracks are dangerous, and the woman wrapped in the American flag does violate the flag code, but don’t surround the uneducated photographers with hate; empower them, educate them. Or even better - if you don’t have any new or positive input, keep your mouth shut.

Many Kind Regards
Charlie

EJ has a few things to say about bullies.

original image credit: Chris Ford Flickr

]]><![CDATA[Women Rock]]>Mon, 19 Oct 2015 14:34:32 GMThttp://www.manykindregards.com/mkr-writers/women-rock

Article by Rose E
Years ago I was working with my church youth group and we played a game called “If You Really Knew Me.” In this game, students and leaders would tell a story about themselves that revealed things people wouldn’t automatically assume about them. Every time I am asked what I do for a living I feel as though I am in the middle of that game again.

When you first meet me, you’ll see a 30 year old woman who has a severe love affair with all things pink, polka dotted, and monogrammed. I am the girl my sister laughs at for never going to the store without make up on, owning more dresses than anyone ever needs, and making sure my lipstick isn’t smeared even if I’m just lounging at the pool. I’m old fashioned. I’m rather traditional. I am a very feminine woman who doesn’t embrace nature unless I’m sticking my toes in the sand. And this is what most people see. So when they find out what I do it often comes as a shock.

You see, I am an active duty Sailor.

Yes. You read that right. This prissy girl made it through bootcamp, survived A-School in the middle of nowhere, deployed for 9 months on an aircraft carrier, took Marine Corps Martial Arts courses and earned two belts, advanced twice in two years, earned a warfare pin in under six months, and is now a shop supervisor. But you’d never know it looking at me.

A couple weeks ago, I went to Harris Teeter and as I was pulling into the parking lot I noticed a sign for parking that was specifically for military. It was open. It was a nice spot. It would have been wonderful since I was also coming off a foot surgery to park close. Yet when it came down to it, I wouldn’t park there. All I could think of was an article I read a few months ago. A female Air Force veteran parked in a veteran specific spot and when she came out to her car there was an ugly note telling her it was not her place to park in that spot. It was for veterans only and the author automatically assumed that a female couldn’t possibly be a veteran.

That right there is part of the problem. It is 2015 and the military is no longer a boys only club. The demographic of those defending our freedom is changing and yet the public still can’t always wrap their head around the idea that women are just as capable as men.

Recently two females completed the Army Ranger course. These two women are the first women to do that. Yet instead of applauding them for going above and beyond, people are saying how the Army must have changed the standards in order to let them pass. People who have never worn a uniform were criticizing them for even trying, saying that women have no place in combat because of their emotions, their menstrual cycle, their ability to get pregnant and the fact that men might be upset by seeing a women get hurt in the line of fire.

Instead of applauding them for going above and beyond, people are saying how the Army must have changed the standards in order to let them pass.

On top of this amazing achievement, Admiral Greenert just announced that women will soon be allowed to join the Navy’s exclusive boys club.

"Why shouldn't anybody who can meet these [standards] be accepted? And the answer is, there is no reason," Greenert said Tuesday in an exclusive interview with Navy Times' sister publication Defense News. "So we're on a track to say, 'Hey look, anybody who can meet the gender non-specific standards, then you can become a SEAL.'"

As thrilled as I was to read that article, it made me sick to read the comments on it. People were saying that there is no way a woman would be able to pass the required BUDS training that all SEALs must participate in. They were saying that it’s not a “woman’s place” to be in an elite combat task force.

And in case you think it’s just the men saying that we women aren’t good enough to be in uniform, back in 2013 a female Army colonel was retired for making comments that pretty women shouldn’t be used as advertisements for recruiting material because average women were a better representation of the type of Soldiers they would want.

I had a Marine on deployment point out that he never saw me without makeup. Often at work I have male Sailors ask me just how much time it takes me to get ready in the morning. I even had girls in my berthing comment on my pink PT clothes when we were allowed to wear civilian gear. I’m not sure what wearing makeup and loving pink has to do with my ability to put on a uniform and fight for my country. In the morning I wake up at 0500 and am out the door by 0530. Being feminine is something I enjoy. Just as much as I love the fact that I am doing a job I can be proud of.

The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

I’m not 100% clear on how having a uterus puts me at a disadvantage when it comes to being a good Sailor. The comments I was reading reflected so often on how a woman could become pregnant and have to leave the team they are assigned to work with. I can’t help but point out that men could get injured in a car accident, come down with an illness that takes them out of the force, or have some other personal issue that requires them to remove themselves from these elite forces just as easily. I grew up around SEALs and know one personally who had to leave his position due to a chronic illness. Women who have children may be removed while they are pregnant and on maternity leave but just like a man who breaks a bone, once they are medically cleared they can return to duty.

I worry that people assume men will only be affected by seeing a woman shot and that they won’t care if their male battle buddy takes one for the team. These teams, the elite of the military, are their own little families. You think the men aren’t hit hard when a member dies? Did you miss Lone Survivor and the emotional toll it took on Marcus Luttrell when his team was picked off one at a time and he was the only one who didn’t return in a flag draped coffin?

It amazes me that over a hundred years after women were fighting for the right to be considered equals we are still having to prove ourselves. We are having to fight stereotypes of what women should be. We are being told we are not good enough to defend this nation alongside our male counterparts. We are undervalued and underserved in the veteran community because people can’t imagine that the girl next door actually would put on the uniform. It’s time for that to change. The big brass in the military is willing to recognize our worth and I believe it is time that society opens their minds to the changes that are coming.

Like it or not, it’s going to happen. And women will be much stronger in these roles when they have support. Though to be honest, at least for me, when I’m told I can’t do something I work twice as hard to prove the naysayers wrong. So maybe the doubt is what we need. Because it feel darn good to kick some butt when people only see the pink lipstick and ignore the martial arts belts I have.

Many Kind Regards,
Rose E

]]><![CDATA[How to be Flexible Like Gumby]]>Mon, 19 Oct 2015 14:07:32 GMThttp://www.manykindregards.com/mkr-writers/how-to-be-flexible-like-gumby

By Ariele O’Brien
All military moves and separations are difficult to some degree. Unaccompanied tours add a different type of angst because they equate to a separation by location, not war. Sometimes spouses choose to relocate to foreign countries unsponsored. This doesn’t happen very often because it is difficult to move without the military’s support. First, it is the family’s responsibility to move the spouse (and if applicable, kids) on their own dime. Flying space available is an option, however, unsponsored family members are the lowest priority. Second, pets have to remain behind, as well as furniture, toys, books, musical instruments, and anything else that won’t meet the airlines two piece per person luggage rule. Third, unsponsored families do not have the same privileges as sponsored family members.

Aside from the financial disadvantages to an unsponsored tour, the biggest obstacle to overcome (and the reason most families do not join their spouse during a year-long unaccompanied tour) is schooling. Unsponsored children may not attend the Department of Defense Dependent Schools (DoDDs) unless there is space available for them, which is determined after the school year has started and usually not available. Other areas impacted by being unsponsored are health care (which is available but changed to co-pay and off post in a foreign country), Child and Youth School Services (again space available only), driving privileges (this is a big one), visas, and more. All of these challenges generally contribute to the family members remaining stateside for the year.

Moving overseas during unaccompanied tours, however, can be a priceless and positive experience depending on attitudes and ability to overcome obstacles. Remaining an intact family is the number one positive outcome of moving overseas during an unsponsored tour. Traveling and living in a foreign country allows for new cultural interactions and international friendships. Depending on location, most unaccompanied tours offer amazing geographically local tourism at a much cheaper rate than if traveling from the states. For instance, an unaccompanied tour in Europe allows for vacations and cheap travel throughout Europe and an unaccompanied tour in South Korea allows for inexpensive travel to many small pacific islands as well as countries such as Japan and China.

If you are considering moving overseas during an unaccompanied tour (especially if you have children), I would like to share some tips on how to have navigate the new adventure.

Jump In!
From the moment you decide to move, jump into this new adventure in your life. Go online and find out what is happening in the area you are moving. Volunteer on post, jump into whatever activities are going on during that season, and enroll your child in activities to make friends. The longer you wait to engage, the more disengaged and disenchanted you could become because living in a foreign country can feel more isolated than living in a familiar place where everyone speaks your language. People were shocked that one week after arriving in country, I volunteered to help with the Chapel’s Vacation Bible School. I corresponded online and the day I got to town did the finger prints for my background check (last day I was eligible before it would be too late). This gave my kids the opportunity to meet other kids their age and they made friends the first week in town.

Engaging kids immediately is especially important if you have opted to homeschool. It also allowed me the opportunity to meet some other women and learn more of what to expect and the area.

Be Humble and Live Simply!
Because you cannot bring your household goods with you or even your kids’ Lego buckets and books, you will need to live simply for the year and remain humble. You may only own one pot, four dishes, and four cups and all of them may or may not be used. It is not financially prudent to purchase an entire house’s worth of furniture, kitchenware, books, and toys for a one year tour. Instead, take advantage of the on-post thrift store (if there is one) and the online classifieds to purchase only what you can’t live without for one year. Buying used helps recycle fully operational items at a fraction of the cost for buying it new. But being humble is also important because you may have to put aside a lot more of your time to rewash the only four dishes you have several times a day!

You may also have to give up on luxury items. For instance, I can live without my KitchenAid and professional blender, but I did need a cheap hand mixer and when the $5 blender became available after one month here at yard sale, I bought that as well. When at all possible buy used and make friends willing to share. One friend gave me her appliances because they were 220 plugs and she lived on post and couldn’t use them effectively.

What could have been a cultur-ally insen-sitive inci-dent turned into an oppor-tunity to discuss World history, eco-nomics, cultural differ-ences, and more.

Explore and Engage!
America is unique in that it is truly a diverse society with many ethnicities. However, aside from visiting restaurants, most ethnic groups don’t spend much time learning about each other’s cultures. Most of us tend to naturally gravitate to those similar to ourselves and we remain ethnocentric. Moving to a foreign country means being completely immersed in a new culture. Sadly, it is still possible to isolate and avoid foreigners by only shopping or eating at restaurants on post and only engaging in social activities on post. However, in my opinion, this limits self-growth and could become dull - how many times can you eat at the same exact restaurants? - or even depressing.

A better option is to explore the culture around by learning some of the language, trying their foods, visiting their historic places, traveling to their favorite weekend get-a-ways, and so on. It’s important to remember though that some cultures might have foods we find revolting or customs we find strange. Keep those opinions amongst your family. For example, don’t give disapproving looks when you see someone eating something you find completely unacceptable as “food.” In Asia, many people still eat silkworm larvae or bugs. The first time this was served to our family at a restaurant as a side dish, I moved it out of my direct line of vision, warned my children not to comment on it and continued with our meal. Later when we were no longer in public, the kids and I discussed the extreme poverty South Korea had overcome less than 50 years ago and how eating bugs was not revolting to them because they had survived on whatever food they could find or received from the United Nations. Now, they have progressed financially to actually being the first and only country to once be a recipient of aid to now giving financial aid to the United Nations. And so what could have been a culturally insensitive incident turned into an opportunity to discuss World history, economics, cultural differences, and more.

Be Creative and think outside the box!
There are many obstacles to overcome, but none of them make an unsponsored tour unattainable. I have so many examples of small challenges and solutions that I could share, but I’ll focus on a two of the bigger problems faced by families. Transportation could be one of the hardest obstacles to overcome, should your spouse’s commander not give you an exception to policy memorandum and allow you to get your foreign driver’s license (even though you passed the test and the memo came from the transportation office themselves). Some ways to overcome this obstacle is take public transportation, use the shuttle services (if offered between camps), take taxis, purchase used bicycles, walk, and make friends with someone who is allowed to drive!

However, thinking outside of the box includes things like applying for an International Driver’s License (through AAA) and seeing if your host country allows state license swaps. South Korea allows certain states’ licenses to be swapped in and out while in country (even if just visiting). You would just turn in your license and then when you are ready to exit the country show your plane tickets (or eTickets) to receive your state license back and give them the Korean license back. My point is that when “no” seems like the only answer, find a “yes” a different way.

As an animal lover, I would unequivocally say, leaving my dog with my mother has been the most difficult challenge on this unaccompanied tour. To the non-animal lover, none of this will make sense so you might as well skip to the next part. To overcome missing my dog, I Skype with my mother and make her show me my dog. I don’t think my dog’s eyes focus on the phone but she perks up and wags her tail and barks when she hears my voice. Do I still miss my dog? Yes of course, but I keep myself connected to her and find pleasure seeing her chase the cat. Others I know have volunteered with their children at the vet’s office on post to get the animal interaction they need. There’s also the option of fostering animals.

Be flexible!
By far, being flexible is the most important trait necessary to take a difficult situation and turn into a positive experience. The Army has a saying, “Be flexible like Gumby.” It means to expect the unexpected, adapt and overcome, and don’t get bent out of shape when things change. Your happiness cannot depend on controlling your circumstances or you will never be happy. Instead focus on how you react in situations and focus on coping and adapting to change in a positive manner. This lesson applies to life in general and especially to life in the military!

Many Kind Regards,
Ariele

]]><![CDATA[Dear America, I'm Done with the Gun Talks]]>Mon, 05 Oct 2015 01:47:32 GMThttp://www.manykindregards.com/mkr-writers/done-gun-talks

by: Meg Flanagan

Dear America,

We need to talk. Like really talk. And we need to talk about guns. Right now. Because just the other day, nine more students were killed on their college campus in Oregon. Just last month, two journalists were shot dead, on air, during their morning broadcast in Virginia. Three years ago, 26 elementary students and teachers were killed in Connecticut. There has been a mass shooting of some kind, mostly at schools or colleges, every few months since 1999. Since Columbine.

And I'm done.
I'm done with rhetoric that claims Obama wants your guns and then your Bibles. Guess what? He probably does not care which religious book you read or even if you believe in God. The man seems pretty open-minded and inclusive about religious beliefs. He definitely seems tired of commenting on yet another mass shooting. And I am tired of hearing him talk about it.

I'm tired of hearing that people need to legally own high capacity magazines for "home defense." I'm calling you out; it's BS. Guess who needs those types of weapons? The people they were designed for: the military. I'm pretty sure that you will not be engaging dozens of enemy insurgents in your living room. If your home gets invaded while you are home, you might face one to two people who may or may not be armed. You could totally get by with a basic magazine and a call to 911.

I'm sick to death of hearing that changing the laws won't keep the guns out of the hands of criminals, so clearly we just need to make it easier for people to obtain more guns legally. Done. Just so done with this. There have always been criminals, since the beginning of time. There will also always be a black market weapons trade. Great. But the harder we make it for a gun, any gun, to leave a legally authorized dealer, the harder it is for a criminal to obtain it.

I wish that I did not have to consider making the choice between going home to my own sweet daughter and protecting the 20+ little lives entrusted to me each and every day.

The thing I am most tired of is the live shooter drill training. Every year that I have been a teacher, I have needed to gather my students into the most concealed corner of the classroom. I have had to choke down my own dread and my own tears of fear in order to comfort my students, my children - little boys and girls who should NOT have to think about safety at school in this way. I should NOT have to consider creating a blockade when I arrange my classroom. My meetings with fellow teachers should be about how amazing our kids are, not discussions about how to escape our rooms safely. I should not need to consider the best way to stop, stall, or otherwise hinder the progress of a shooter or intruder in my school. I wish that I did not have to consider making the choice between going home to my own sweet daughter and protecting the 20+ little lives entrusted to me each and every day.

I am tired.I also have some ideas. We need to make getting a gun more challenging, and we need to make those laws uniform and enforceable nationwide.

We need more training, we need more complete background checks, we need mental health screenings. We need family background checks. Because if a person legally obtains a weapon, then anyone who has access to his home also has access. That means kids, spouse, visitors, and mentally ill friends or family. That means friends or family members with criminal backgrounds. That means anyone.

We need to assess the purpose of weapon ownership. Do you want to hunt? Do you want to protect your home? What are you going to do with that gun? There might need to be limits and tracking of how many guns you own, and how much ammo you have on hand, and what kind of magazines that you purchase.

And my ideas may be terrible. Great, that's fine.

But I have ideas, and I'm putting them out there, and I want to discuss how to make progress on this issue.

Because I am done. I am tired of mass shootings, and gun rights rhetoric that doesn't offer a compromise, and guns and Bibles arguments, and little kids and college students DYING while they are at school.

This is what it comes down to: if you ignore this issue, more people might die. More children might die at the hands of a mass shooter.

Start by writing your congressperson or senator. Let them know you care, and that should they dither over this once again, that they have lost your vote. Get your friends to write, too. Call, email, Tweet at the NRA and other gun rights groups with hard-line rhetoric, and let them know you are tired and fed up with the nonsense.

Do anything that you think might help. Because we cannot, we must not, have another school shooting that goes ignored after a few days. We MUST act, and it must be now.

Our children are counting on us to protect them. Let's not let them down.

Many Kind Regards,

Meg

Meg is urging people to make change to ease worries. Read some of Rebecca's worries here.

]]><![CDATA[7 Tips to Beat the New Girl Blues]]>Sat, 12 Sep 2015 02:26:37 GMThttp://www.manykindregards.com/mkr-writers/beat-newgirl-blues

by: Melissa Gomez

Goodbye Florida, hello Arizona. Wow! Talk about a long drive and a change of scenery. So it seems I’m the new girl in town yet again. I can’t help but feel like I should be some sort of expert at this by now, but truth be told I feel so lost.

This is my 6th PCS (I’m pretty sure) but my 10th or so move (we’ve bought houses and such along the way). So I should have this moving thing down pat right?! It’s the same ol’ grind: Purge, pack, find a new home, move, unpack, get kids settled with schools, find a church, look for work, etc. Well, I did all that, so why do I feel so incomplete?

This move was actually a bit different, and in many ways better, from the others. I had a few friends move to the same location which made the move a bit more comforting. It felt great knowing I had some good friends waiting on the other side. It was also a move that took us from a small town to a city. A city that’s not too big but not too small. We are totally loving this location and that’s really helped.

Despite the numerous positives (which I am so grateful for), I still can’t help but to feel adrift, like a sailor lost at sea.

I just haven’t found my footing and I miss the comfort of my previous life. So, in true “Melissa” fashion, I decided to make this time less empty and mundane. (I love a new adventure!) I decided to take a bit of this time to focus on me.

Allow me to explain: I’ve spent the last 4 years of my life directly dedicated to others in every facet of my life. I volunteered, worked a social service job, held positions at my church, and through it all served my family as well. There’s no doubt I will continue to do those same things here, but this time, I’m going to carve out a little time for me. I want to make this duty station epic and maybe even life changing!

For those who don’t know me, I am a people person. I’m also an introvert so I may be a bit of an anomaly, but hey, I’m happy with me. Anywho, I love to sing, so of course I looked into what this community could offer me and how I could give back to it, as well. One of my great friends and I discovered there was a community theater here - Score!

We auditioned and both got parts in a play and on the production team!! I am so stoked that I had the opportunity to do this with a friend, but I am more excited about the chance to meet others and break into this community by storm. The thought of us being able to represent veterans (which we both are) and military spouses in a positive light always excites me. The thought of auditioning was terrifying but this helped me break out of my funk. I know it will help me grow as a performer and grow to love this community even more.

I also joined a local church. I volunteered at a youth event and had an awesome time. I met so many great people and I truly look forward to seeing them again. Little by little, it’s starting to feel more like home.

For now, the emotions of missing my former home are still there but quickly fading. I know all things work in God’s perfect time (I am just always in a rush). I think soon enough my “new home” will just be “home,” and hopefully these tips will help someone else make their new place feel like home, too. This new girl in town is here to stay (for a while anyway) and I will make my mark!

Feeling like the new kid in town?? Here’s what you can do!

Make a trip of every road trip
Oh my gosh! I love road trips, they are the best part of any move! If possible, take the time for some stops and enjoy the trip no matter how long. Find those quirky towns and no-name places. I mean, who doesn’t want to see metal dinosaurs or the world’s largest ball of twine?! Maybe shopping is your thing; check out the Unclaimed Baggage center - oh the fun to be had there! Make the best of any trip because America has some great sights!

Find a group of people you can relate to
Let’s face it - life is kind of boring if you are doing it alone. Everyone needs someone at some point in their lives. In the military, having that support system is absolutely critical for our lifestyle. Consider joining a club, gym, community watch group, church, or any type of organization you feel connected to. For us milspouses, join a Family Readiness program (or in Army terms, the FRG). Yes, I said it - JOIN THE FRG. Give it a fair chance despite previous experiences, or what you have or haven’t heard. The only person who can make a fair assessment of whether or not the FRG is for you is YOU. The same rule applies to any group you may join.

Being yourself is the fastest way to form true bonds with others.

Be Yourself
Anytime, anywhere, and at anyplace, be yourself! Being yourself is the fastest way to form true bonds with others. Be confident in who you are and what you can bring to any friendship, partnership, or workplace. You are enough. Once others see your shine, they will surely want to bask in your glow.

Don’t be afraid to try new things
If the things you did in the past didn’t work, why repeat them? Moving is a unique opportunity to revamp yourself, try new things, and make great strides. Be open to new opportunities and friendships. Try something you’ve always wanted to but didn’t have the time for or were too afraid to do. Allow yourself the pleasure of new opportunities.

Volunteer
Networking at volunteer events can quickly blossom into new friendships. It is a great way to meet new people that share similar passions. Volunteering also makes you so much more appreciative of your community. It’s an awesome way to show you care and can open lots of doors to future opportunities.

Be sure to check out the visitor’s center or information centers
OK - I know that sounds cheesy but seriously, go to a visitor’s center or chamber of commerce and pick up a ton of brochures. You know, just like your parents did every time you went on vacation. Sometimes the vastness of the internet makes it difficult to find info in one spot, hence the visitor’s center. Grab brochures and save them, study them, and plan cool things to do on your own, or with friends and family. Every place you move will have a history, be sure to check it out. You may find there’s more to do than you thought!

STAY POSITIVE
I know, I know, easier said than done right? At the end of the day - any move you experience will be what you make of it. Stay positive and give it a real try. Put yourself out there and be determined and open to experiencing both the good and the bad.

With all things, give and you shall receive…
Mel

Moving can be a very interesting experience. The staff at MKR presents 37 very relatable PCS truths.

original image credit: Mark Sebastian

]]><![CDATA[Why Drowned Refugee Aylan Kurdi Will Haunt Us]]>Wed, 09 Sep 2015 02:50:48 GMThttp://www.manykindregards.com/mkr-writers/refugee-aylan-haunt

by: Nichole Weakley

Aylan, today marks 5 days since the world saw your picture.

Your perfect little body looked as if it were resting peacefully, like you had spent the day playing. If one just glanced at your picture, one could imagine that you were just a regular boy. That you had chased down all of the mud puddles, goldfish crackers, and happiness in your day until you fell asleep where you stood, exhausted, with your shoes on.

But you weren’t that boy. And for that, I am heartbroken.

What must it have taken for your parents to leave? To turn and run, to risk everything? What must you have lived through in your short three-years that made your parents decide that the hope of something better was worth risking so much? Was worth risking your life?

Did you know that there was more out there? Did you know that there was more for you? Did you know that not everyone lives the way you did? Did you know that there could be life without fear? Surely, you could have, as I imagine your parents would have discussed this in front of you. Did you know that the people in these places did too little, if anything, for you?

Time and again, humanity has been tested. History has shown us that, given the opportunity, bad men will do bad things. Those bad things hurt people. And, sadly, it takes tragedy for good men to act. I’m so sorry it has taken your sacrifice to get people to pay attention to the life you lived.

Please forgive our ignorance.

Your sleepy little frame lying in the surf tugs at my heart. “Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!” my heart screams. “OPEN YOUR EYES!” it pleads with urgency.

Your image was instantly seared into the hearts and minds of those who could have helped you

Could you have known you would become the face for a pleading humanity? Your image was instantly seared into the hearts and minds of those who could have helped you, a visual that will remain among the darkest examples of our modern world: Tiananmen Square, Baylee Almon, the Falling Man, you. Could you have known that you would represent the world’s plea against evil?

That should not have been your cross to bear… but here we are.

And now it is our time to act.

I see your dark, beautiful eyelashes, the ones I’m sure your mother kissed asleep, and can only imagine the tears they blinked away in those moments. I see your chubby little hand that she must’ve grabbed when she needed to keep you safe and I wonder how long she was able to hold onto it in the water. If life was even the slightest bit fair, you would be in Greece now, snuggled into her and feeling the peace that comes with safety. Instead, you are the baby sleeping in the surf, your image begging us all to help stop the madness.

I’m so sorry you weren’t that regular boy.

Forgive us.

Forgive us.

Forgive us.

Many Kind Regards,
Nichole

Aylan has become the face of the plea for humanity, one writer urges us to remember what that face really stands for.

Original image credit: Thomas Hawk

]]><![CDATA[Filling in the Gaps With MilKids Education Consulting]]>Thu, 27 Aug 2015 17:23:58 GMThttp://www.manykindregards.com/mkr-writers/filling-in-the-gaps-with-milkids-education-consulting

By Meg Flanagan

When I moved to Camp Pendleton in 2010, I noticed parents talking at command events about how lost their kids felt in school or how they were pulling them to homeschool because moving had left so many holes in their education. On a whim, I posted an ad on Camp Pendleton Yard Sales advertising my tutoring and homeschooling services. I had an immediate response.

As an elementary and special education teacher, I know how vital educational continuity is for kids. As a military spouse, I understand how disruptive our frequent moves can be. MilKids Education was born out of the need I saw around me for someone to make sure at least some of our children were getting those gaps filled - someone in the education field who understood the military lifestyle. Initially, I was a tutor, but have decided to take things to the next level as a blogger to hopefully reach more people and affect greater positive change.

Having consistency is especially important for our children with special needs. Many of the families I worked with, both military and civilian, were really struggling with understanding the special education system. Understanding how the process works is challenging; it is a tough nut to crack, even for teachers! The referral, assessment, evaluation, and creation of a plan takes up important time. For military families, making sure that Individualized Education Programs (IEPs) and other special education programs are honored and available from location to location is really hard. Will occupational therapy services be offered or covered at our next station? What does the autism program look like at schools near where we will live? With the added stress of frequent moves, it is important that military families especially understand the ins and outs of the special education system and can plan accordingly.

For military families, making sure that Individualized Education Programs (IEPs) and other special education programs are honored and available from location to location is really hard.

My goal is to eventually become a go-to authority on how we should educate our military children, especially those with special needs or learning differences. Right now, MilKids Education is building a reputation as a friendly site where families can turn for straightforward, accurate,

legally sound educational advice. I'll be tackling the IEP/504 process, how to become an advocate for your child, and advice on building relationships with teachers. On the lighter side, I also will also have fun items like Top 10 lists, reading ideas, and snapshots of how my own educational journey with our toddler is going - right now, we're into chalk in a big way!

By building MilKids Education, I am making steps to help our military children have as consistent an education as possible. It is important to make sure that we have a unified national educational system that allows all children to be their best selves without any gaps. I would love to be an educational consultant or special education advocate full time, but would be equally happy knowing that I have helped families move forward in their educational journeys with better information.

Many Kind Regards,
Marguerite Flanagan

Read about one writer's fight with the school district here.

Meg Flanagan, the creator of MilKids Education Consulting, is a Marine Corps spouse, special education teacher, elementary teacher, and mom. She holds an M.Ed in special education and a BS in elementary education. She has taught in public, private, and home schools; inner city, suburban, and rural. She has worked with kids who are four grades above their chronological age and kids who are nonverbal. She’s worked in CA, MA, and VA, and hold licenses in all three states in both of her areas of expertise. She can be reached at m19flanagan@gmail.com.

MilKids Education Consulting Logo credit: Rochelle Hickey Design
Original photo credit: Pabak Sarkar Flickr

]]><![CDATA[Battling PTSD 22 Miles At A Time]]>Tue, 04 Aug 2015 17:21:55 GMThttp://www.manykindregards.com/mkr-writers/battling-ptsd-22-miles-at-a-time

By Carolyn Herrick

Twenty-two veterans commit suicide every day.

To raise awareness of this staggering fact and promote veterans getting help instead of ending their lives, my friend and fellow veteran, Susanna organized a 22-day challenge that I’m participating in with a bunch of other folks all over the world. We are walking or running at least one mile a day for 22 days.

This challenge is great for a few reasons, not the least of which is that I have not exercised at all in weeks or regularly in months because I have been struggling with my own mental health. After losing 37 lbs by eating clean and exercising 6 days a week for months after I had our son, I recently have discontinued working on my physical health as I felt myself sinking back into my depression. A lot. Another military move, combined with a newly-mobile toddler, overturned my previous schedule. I missed my friends and it took time to make new ones here.

I haven’t struggled for awhile. I find it comes in waves.

Weaning brought on a wave of postpartum that I didn’t realize could happen, so I was totally unprepared for it. And I still struggled with a lot of PTSD symptoms - not from a deployment, ironically, but my childhood. I have struggled with PTSD since I was at least 12 years old - the age when I OD’d on Excedrin PM as a cry for help. When I got scared I would actually die from my OD and told my parents what I had done, my dad laid me out, face down, spread-eagle, on his king-sized bed, and “spanked” me with an oak paddle before he drove me to the hospital. Then he took my entire bank account (a couple hundred dollars of babysitting money) to use toward our copay.

I haven’t struggled for awhile. I find it comes in waves. I will be good for a while, and then something in my life changes — as I described earlier — and it triggers a whole lot of difficult thoughts and feelings. I’m doing better now. Acupuncture reset some of the postpartum I was struggling with. For my anxiety, I called Military One Source for some counseling (and trust me, I called more than one local hospital lactation consultant in tears). My doctor suggested — along with my other treatments — that I continue to use my essential oils and take the supplements I have been using, get good sleep, and get 150 mins of cardio exercise a week. I love that whole-person, mind/body/spirit approach! (Side note: I have a great doc, and if you aren't happy with yours, I think you should try to switch to one who relates well to you and a course of treatment that resonates with you and your lifestyle.) MilOne also hooked me up with a free telephonic Health and Wellness Coach, which is a service I didn’t know existed. It’s client based, which is really cool! She helps me determine what some of my health and wellness goals are, and encourages me whether I reach them or not.

So to say this challenge is perfect for me right now is an understatement. Many people don’t realize I struggle with these things because I present myself well and often keep my issues in the closet. But what better time to be honest than when I am raising awareness for suicide prevention. If I can help even one fellow vet, sad mama friend, or childhood trauma victim seek and get help, my honesty will have been worth it.

Many Kind Regards,
Carolyn

Why is it so hard for us to ask for help with mental health? See how one writer has decided to erase her own stigma about PTSD.

Photo credit: Hubspot

]]><![CDATA[37 #PCSTruths We Can All Relate To]]>Mon, 27 Jul 2015 15:12:44 GMThttp://www.manykindregards.com/mkr-writers/37-pcstruths-we-can-all-relate-to

by: Many Kind Regards Staff

In the military, something happens every summer around the entire country. It even goes beyond our borders to include places from Europe to Japan. It’s called PCS season. PCS (permanent change of station) season stretches from late May to early September. It’s darn near impossible to be a military family and not experience a PCS, or at the very least an EAS (separation from the military), which still feels like a PCS. So, in honor of the 2015 PCS Season, we at Many Kind Regards have compiled a list of 37 #PCSTruths, based on our experiences and divided into handy sections because, let’s face it, PCS’s that are not organized are actually #PCSNightmares. What #PCSTruths do you have? Comment, Tweet us, join our Facebook discussion - We want to hear from you!

Overly Dramatic Kids
We got pushed out of our house and were homeless for almost 3 weeks around the Christmas holidays because our new house wasn't ready and we couldn't move into the rental house until January 1. Part of the solution was to spend about week and a half with my mother in Florida. Due to various obligations, I flew down with my 2 youngest children first, my oldest arrived a couple days later, and my husband, Christmas Eve. My mother picked up my then 6 year-old daughter, 3 year-old son, and me, and takes us to brunch. (It was a stupid early morning flight down.) After, she asks, "Where do you want to go now?" My 3 year-old's response, "I want to go home now."

Your kids will always ask to go back home. But you're not quite sure where “home” is.

To this day, my youngest talks about the sun room, which was also their playroom, at our old house and how he had a deprived childhood because we never had the time or money to duplicate it at our new house.

Packing Trash
When you unpack your boxes & find a 10lb bag of potatoes, you realize they weren't kidding when they said, "They pack EVERYTHING."

Oh and when we PCSed to OH, they shipped an empty box of packing material.

Going it Alone
If your husband is in the field, skiff, deployed, etc - it’s definitely packing day.

When you schedule everything while your husband is gone, and he comes home to an empty house. Then you move from Hawaii to Tennessee in January and are so used to Hawaii weather that you completely forget to keep the winter jackets, and you land and it's 5 degrees outside.

You're 34 weeks pregnant, no big deal. Heck, why not do a DITY (Do It Yourself) move. You'll make some extra cash, you'll get to drive 15 hours behind a U-Haul, you might even get to visit with a chatty man that just ate a hotdog while you cross state borders. Don't worry about throwing up in your diet coke, you can just get another one in 180 miles when you reach the nearest town. Oh, and when you finally get to your destination, don't panic when all the doctors are no longer accepting new patients, you'll eventually find someone just in time to catch sweet babe. PCSing, PIECE OF CAKE!

Missing, Mislabeled, and Screwed
If the movers can't find the screws to your dining room table, they're definitely packed in the box with all of your bras and panties.

I think there is an island (like the land of the misfit toys) where my furniture goes. I swear every PCS they lose furniture. Why can't they lose my husband's 3rd grade bowling trophy, or his completely worthless baseball card collection, but furniture???

We just went through our garage and found stuff that we haven't looked at in 10 years

When you can't find the essential parts of the home computer, you know; keyboard, monitor, mouse, and you've unpacked every single box but one last "kitchen" box - only to find all your computer parts packed with one box of pancake mix (spraying loose flour though the cardboard cracks) and a large GLASS jar of soy sauce.

When you open the book box to find two Lava lamps inside and the kitchen box to find the packers actually opened your previous empty dishwasher and removed the silverware holder and packed it, now causing you to have to mail it back to the previous house.

Our movers labeled a good chunk of our boxes as "books" and I didn’t think anything of it because I have tons of books. Half of them were pantry items and a quarter of them bathroom stuffs. I feel your pain.

The Movers We Love and Hate
If you ever caught the movers looking at the boudoir book you had made for your husband while he was away.

Oh and disassembled means brute physical ripping at joints that are glued/screwed together.

When your Polish movers use a curse word, and you laugh because your best friend at the last duty station was Polish.

You will be grateful for any moving blankets the movers forgot to take back with them on your last move. They do come in handy, do not throw them out.

When your kids’ swing set has a perma-lean because only God knows where the manual is and the men are "sure they know how to put it together."

When you designate an ENTIRE room as “OFF LIMITS, NO TOUCHY,” and they STILL sneak in and pack a box of essential paperwork and the clean air filter you were going to replace in the house just prior to move out. Why, dear God, why would I want to take custom-fit air filters with me? Or when you set aside the second set of booster seats and tell the movers not to touch them and they throw them into the back of the truck anyway, so now you’re stuck driving the kids the entire trip in one vehicle, or forced to move car seats around all the stuff stuffed in the vehicles and you realize that's a worse option.

My favorite move was as an LT. I go to TMO at Minot. "Sgt, the moving truck was in an accident." "No ma'am. They gotta report accidents." "Ok Sgt, please explain why my shipment from NM is 6 weeks late, every box is crushed, and they bent a stainless steel ladder in half?" "Aliens." No poop, we start laughing.

Time To Go
The moment you find the best pizza in town, the best time to go to Target, and find the coolest friends to hang out with is when you find out that it is time to PCS again.

When you've packed before you know where you're going.

When you move ahead of orders, pay out of pocket, and learn what it costs the military for the move - ouch.

When your husband's future boss tells you to move without orders because he needs your husband ASAP and that it will all work out -- he's lying. You can't get reimbursed for receipts dated before the date on the orders. #ArmyOwesUs10000

When your house is more clean for your home inspection/PCS than it was the entire time you lived there.

No matter how long it's been since your last move, you will continue to find little red TMO stickers (I've been in my house 3 years and I still come across them).

When every time you move you realize you have more things than the last. Soon, you'll have more things than you do space to put them in. #ButImNotAHoarder

Sweet Dreams are Not Made of This
We mostly only have horror stories. We've only been moved by the Army once, we had to do the rest ourselves.

When the huge Samoan mover is afraid to tell you that one more piece of furniture is broken. When you let your kid watch whatever is on the tv in the hotel because you've been in the same room for six weeks waiting for a house. When the move is over, and you somehow have extra hardware and wait for months to find out what's missing a screw. When you buy a replacement bed set that you hate just to get a stupid bed set KNOWING that it'll break on the next move like the last set, but it makes it. And you still hate it.

Whoops
A major cleaning appliance will always end up broken. Whether it's a vacuum, carpet cleaner, washing machine... You will always have one cleaning appliance casualty. RIP Hoover rug doctor.

When you start your first wash in the new house with hardwood floors and learn that your brand new washer now has a cracked tub and is dumping gallons of water everywhere… Oh, and you haven't unpacked the box with towels yet.

We have also learned that no matter how much you bubblewrap stemware at least half of it gets broken

The New House
When you move into your best friend’s last house

You never really realize how much space you had until you are camping out with family/friends/hotel waiting on your new house.

The moment you get orders you do so much research about your new duty station, you know more about it than your hometown. You know which friends loved it and will visit, which friends hated it and you won’t see until your next move, and you have a good idea which pizza place will become "yours."

When you're standing in your new house and can't find where you put "the thing" but know EXACTLY where it was in your old house.

Don't forget to share your own #PCSTruths with us!

Many Kind Regards,
MKR Staff

MKR Staff Talks About The Craziest Things They Hear Working From Home

original photo credit: Splityarn Flickr

]]><![CDATA[Sometimes Warnings Deny Us New Experiences]]>Tue, 14 Jul 2015 21:54:59 GMThttp://www.manykindregards.com/mkr-writers/sometimes-warnings-deny-us-new-experiences

by: Ariele O'Brien

I had no warning, but maybe that’s better. I might have denied myself the cultural experience and physical benefits had I known what was about to happen to me.

You see, recently I started CrossFit, and while that’s a new culture and physically challenging workout in itself, it was the effects of CrossFit that led me to get a Thai massage. In fact, my husband’s unofficial CrossFit motto applies to both activities equally: “If it doesn’t suck, you’re doing it wrong.”

It took three weeks for me to overcome my fear of walking into the Thai massage place in South Korea, knowing only a few basic Korean phrases, to get a massage. I hadn’t fully researched Thai massage before going, therefore my thinking was littered with mistakes.

My first mistake was that I thought I would have a Korean woman who had been trained in Thai methods massaging me. I fumbled in Korean to indicate my particularly sore muscles, but found my nonfluency to be of little issue. The bemused woman before me revealed she was Thai and quickly overcame any language barriers, speaking decent english.

She proposed I change into the comfortable outfit provided, and thus came my second mistake: assuming other cultures value privacy as much as Americans do - because the door was still wide open. I hesitated, and again she gestured for me to put on the outfit as if I didn’t understand her words. Politely, I asked her to close the door, expecting her to understand my desire to not fully undress in public. She seemed to grasp that part and closed the door, but she didn’t leave the room or even turn around. Nope, she just stood there watching and waiting for me to get changed. Awkward. I turned around - she was only going to stare at my flabby butt.

Once dressed she asked me to lie on my stomach and I complied, feeling at least safely concealed in the outfit I wore waiting for her to start. My other massages have always started with a gentle warm up before digging deep into the knots in my muscles. Mistake number three was not researching the actual methods the Thai use to massage a body. Out of nowhere she jumped onto the soles of my feet and started walking on them! She then proceeded to walk up my legs, thighs, butt, back, and shoulders, and hop off occasionally to pound (literally) my muscles. Even though I was shocked, I was okay with the amount of pressure knowing the outcome I would have from this intense massage. In fact, I can best describe Thai massage as a combination of massage and adjustment. She made sure to crack everything that could possibly crack, almost like a visit to the chiropractor’s office.

All of that changed however, when I flipped over and she shoved her feet into every crack and crevice you can imagine (without violating any laws). Mistake number four: falsely assuming she surely wouldn’t shove her feet into my inner thighs and butt to work the sore muscles! Let me warn you, Thai massage is invasive.

Another mistake could have arisen from my lack of research beforehand. There’s an aspect of Thai methodology that includes being bent into some very absurd positions. Thankfully, I had no issues with this part because I’m extremely flexible. She bent me into positions I can’t see normal human beings attaining, even with her “assistance.” That, however, was the least invasive part of the entire massage.

My final mistake was thinking that when she was done she would leave me to get changed alone. Nope, once again, she plopped down on the floor and sat facing me, waiting for me to get changed. And just like in the beginning, all she saw was my flabby - but now relaxed - butt as I deliberately turned away from her.

While the whole massage was a learning experience, it was what I learned culturally that was disheartening. She asked me how long I had lived in Korea and I replied just a few weeks and that I would stay for about a year. She told me it was the same for her, she had come to Korea to work for a year. Sadly, she explained that she lived in the office, and while the office was part of a hotel, she didn’t have a room in the hotel she just slept in spare massage rooms, and that she worked 24 hours a day. She said all the masseuses try to sleep when there are no customers and as customers come, their boss will wake them up in turns. I asked her if she missed Thailand and she looked on the verge of tears, as she missed it very much, but she did this because of the money involved. I understood that need to provide and hoped she made enough this year to have saved in abundance for her return home.

The cultural differences I was exposed to really made me think. I wonder if the methodology is similar in the states, because I just can’t imagine most Americans being okay with leaving the door open or having the massage therapist watch while disrobing. Given the choice, I would prefer to go to a chiropractor for the adjustment and a traditional deep tissue massage therapist for the massage. However, overall, I am glad I have experienced a Thai massage in Korea, even with the abundance of mistakes in my thinking. Had I done research and heeded the warnings, I might have missed not only an incredible experience for my body (I did physically feel better afterward), but a cultural learning opportunity as well.

Many Kind Regards,
Ariele

Read how Ariele stepped out of her comfort zone and into a small space during deployment

Original Photo Credit: micagoto

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