I stood there looking in the fogged up mirror, staring back at myself. Unhappy. The words floating around in my head are harsh. "You look like a prepubescent boy. Short hair definitely doesn't suit you." "Stupid cancer," I say loudly. As of late, this is how my shower routine ends.
I'm awake, for maybe the fifth or sixth time tonight. Like other nights, it's a cold sweat that wakes me. I rise up and stare sleepily at the light that shines through my blinds. My body aches, there is no comfortable position to sleep in. I rise slowly so I don't wake him, and I hear a soft snore that tells me he's deep in a dream. The weight of my own body almost feels like too much and balance takes real effort. It's a long walk to our restroom only about 6 feet away. I dampen a cloth and moisten my face and my chest. Sore still both from accessing the port and a deeper pain that I can't shake.
I haven't slept a full night in I don't know how long. In the mirror, I see the reflection of a woman I still don't recognize. Short fuzzy hair, darkened nails and a round face, moon face they call it; they, the others, like me. I don't like this woman. I feel a pit in my stomach, a feeling that's familiar. A cross between angry and sad, my eyes water. It's time to make my way back.
is a 9 year Army Spouse and mother of two. She resides in beautiful Fort Jackson, SC; where the water is warm and mosquitoes roam- yes, she spends a lot of her summer bathed in bug repellent. She enjoys volunteering for different organizations and lending a hand when one is needed. Currently, she is the Publicity Chairman for the American Red Cross of Fort Jackson. In her free time, she loves to read, write and color her hair. She is humorous, charismatic and free spirited. “Jei", as her friends like to call her, firmly believes that a positive attitude can change everything and tries constantly to better herself through self-affirmation and motivation. Though she is California born and raised, she fully embraces her new southern home. Still, she spends her days dreaming of her second home, Seattle, and her eventual return.