I wish there were miraculous waters that washed away sadness, anger, despair. Tomorrow, they may call me coward but today, tonight, I do not care. I feel the water rise up. Past my hips, covering my chest and sweeping in just under my chin. Praying that I could wash it all away. The pain, the scars, the memories… my thoughts. Underneath the water I open my eyes. Staring up at the distorted ceiling, I listen to a muffled “Crazy” by Patsy Cline. I see figments of memories, my daughters first steps, my sons first tooth and his dimpled smile… my wedding day. Am I— a coward? Is this what my loved ones will remember about me?
I can’t hold it but for a few seconds longer, I’m underwater but I know I’m crying. This is fine by me, this way no one will see the tears.
1 in every 10 Americans suffer from depression. It is an illness like any other. Don't be afraid to seek help, find treatment or simply confide in someone. Let us remember that any death is a life lost. Suicide is serious, no one wants to lose someone they love too soon. If you have a friend or family member that suffers from depression reach out and if you or anyone you know is considering suicide, please- contact the Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255 or go to www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org,
I can’t hold it but for a few seconds longer, I’m underwater but I know I’m crying. This is fine by me, this way no one will see the tears.
1 in every 10 Americans suffer from depression. It is an illness like any other. Don't be afraid to seek help, find treatment or simply confide in someone. Let us remember that any death is a life lost. Suicide is serious, no one wants to lose someone they love too soon. If you have a friend or family member that suffers from depression reach out and if you or anyone you know is considering suicide, please- contact the Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255 or go to www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org,
There were moments, instances in which my life seemed devoid of all happiness. I felt physical pain, sadness and guilt. I was constantly ill, always exhausted. There were days when all my effort went into opening my eyes. Living was strenuous.
I could feel the water running, slipping through my fingers, I sat on the edge of the tub and watched as steam rose. From the restroom where I sat I could hear the world outside. The roar of the television (he needs to lower the bass on the surround sound), my husband calling to my kids to go to bed, their small giggles as the echoed down the halls. There’s soreness in my knees and I need relief. For the past few days, this has been a nightly ritual, a brief escape. I set my phone on the counter, I leave it playing music from another time. I lower myself slowly into the crystal clear blue warmth and feel the calm as it washes over me. If I say a prayer at this very moment, could I be cleansed? Am I absolved from the heaviness this guilt has weighing on me? Is that just wishful thinking?…
Many Kind Regards,
Jeanette
Frank St. Martin shares his thoughts on suicide, and how they compare to military "fight or flight" training.
I could feel the water running, slipping through my fingers, I sat on the edge of the tub and watched as steam rose. From the restroom where I sat I could hear the world outside. The roar of the television (he needs to lower the bass on the surround sound), my husband calling to my kids to go to bed, their small giggles as the echoed down the halls. There’s soreness in my knees and I need relief. For the past few days, this has been a nightly ritual, a brief escape. I set my phone on the counter, I leave it playing music from another time. I lower myself slowly into the crystal clear blue warmth and feel the calm as it washes over me. If I say a prayer at this very moment, could I be cleansed? Am I absolved from the heaviness this guilt has weighing on me? Is that just wishful thinking?…
Many Kind Regards,
Jeanette
Frank St. Martin shares his thoughts on suicide, and how they compare to military "fight or flight" training.
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