I’ve always considered myself to be a strong, independent career woman. I’ve become very successful in my life but I seem to bounce from long term relationship to long term relationship and in that area I really haven’t spent time on my own. Also, the people I have been with have never really treated me the way I hoped one day I would be. While I don’t consider it settling, I do feel that I want children more than anything and I am in my 30’s now. My current relationship has it’s ups and downs but we have talked about marriage and I get excited every time we do, however, some days are really hard on me to not only be the loving potential fiance’ but also hold him accountable for things as well. Every woman has a time clock, right? If I want a family I will have to make a choice before it’s too late, right? Please help!
Potential Fiance’ in Crisis
Dear Potential Fiance’,
I hate to be the one to break this to you but it needs to be said, there is no time clock. I hear women say this all of the time as if their lives are about to run out but what you don’t see is that you are only fast forwarding to a miserable future. Marriage is not to be entered into to have a family. In fact, you probably see all around you how many families struggle after kids come into the picture. It’s not to say you wouldn’t love your kids like everyone else loves their little units but if you think you are mature enough to be a mom then you have to be mature enough to see the bigger picture. If you are having problems now there are no Band-Aids, no matter where you look. You won’t find it with kids, a career, more date nights, it just doesn’t work that way. A solid foundation is the ONLY marriage that can survive. Everyone has their tough days with their significant others but it’s how you handle the situation when it’s presented that makes the difference. It doesn’t sound like you know enough of what you want on your own to give it to someone else yet. They take as much as you give and without balance there can be no trust and without trust you have no relationship. If pride is more important in an argument then you cannot trust them with your true feelings, which only leads to resentment over time. Think about if your children were standing in the room in your last few arguments, would you be appalled at the way things were handled then? If you plan to do everything you can for your children, the first place you should start is by making yourself happy first.