Nighttime and I don't get along. It's really a love hate relationship with bedtime. My anxiety kicks in when I'm left alone in the dark and quiet. But in the same breath, that's when my best thoughts and words are created.
When I wake up in the morning, it's usually by one of my kids announcing that they are hungry. Then the next one chimes in and I'm awake, usually against my will, to make breakfast or at least reach the bowl out of the cabinet and the jug of milk is still too full for them to pour without dumping the whole gallon on the floor. I say against my will because I stayed up half the night trying to shut my brain off and I'd love to be able to sleep past seven. But, my day is started and I've got things to do, like most mom's and dads.
When I wake up in the morning, it's usually by one of my kids announcing that they are hungry. Then the next one chimes in and I'm awake, usually against my will, to make breakfast or at least reach the bowl out of the cabinet and the jug of milk is still too full for them to pour without dumping the whole gallon on the floor. I say against my will because I stayed up half the night trying to shut my brain off and I'd love to be able to sleep past seven. But, my day is started and I've got things to do, like most mom's and dads.
Eventually night falls, the kids are in bed and I mosey off to my "me space"....my bed. The TV gets turned on, I plug my phone into its charger and I begin the shut down process...and a game of Bubble Witch Saga....don't judge. I try and balance as much stimulation as I can handle, while trying to find peace and fall asleep. It's a nasty routine. It goes against what all experts recommend for a healthy sleep routine. Have they met me and my brain at all?! I can't go to sleep without some sort of device on to distract me from my own thoughts! But no matter how much I try to distract myself, eventually I have to turn off the phone, and the TV, and be alone with my thoughts, and my worries.
I used to have this saying, "Worry only comes, when you interfere with God's plan". I read it in a book a very long time ago. I try to remember that there may be truth to that. But since I first read that, I've had a lot of things happen in my life. Some good, some bad. Both worry me. What if the good goes away? What if more bad comes? My husband tells me I create problems that don't exist. I swear I'm not a pessimist....at least not until I'm left alone with my thoughts.
I have learned, though, to coach myself in better thinking habits. Whenever my worries start to surface, I talk myself down. Like, literally, I tell myself I need to shut up and quit thinking crazy! I tell myself to stop worrying about anything that hasn't happened yet. I sometimes have to put myself at ease by making a contingency plan, so that if a problem does arise, I already have the answer. Ha! Clever (insert smiley here). The other tool I have is prayer. I have faith that God knows what he's doing. You may not have that, but to each his own, I have no judgement.
But then there's this good that comes out too. It's where the best of my writing happens. It's where all my ideas are born. I can be stressing over something and BAM! Words and ideas start flowing and if I don't sit up and write them down, they are gone forever.
All of my problem solving needs happen when the house is still and quiet, and I'm left alone with myself. I should celebrate my insomnia, and anxiety. It forces me to deal with myself, and confront my fears rather than ignore them. It's where I can tweak my insecurities, acknowledge my faults, maybe try to figure out how to be a better person. It's a way for me to recollect my day and show myself the parts that need work, but where I was good too.
Embrace quiet time with yourself. Face your own thoughts, and fears. Don't be afraid of your anxieties. Confront them. Understand them. Learn from them. Turn that worry and anxiety into something good. Use it to build your positive thinking. You never know, something beautiful may come from them.
Elizabeth Ladd has worked in various retail positions for nearly 15 years. For five of those most recent years she was a manager of a Starbucks Cafe. In 2010 she was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis which forced her to step down from her position so that she could focus on her three wonderful children, her supportive husband and most importantly her health. Currently she is a stay at home mom who loves to dabble in writing what's on her mind. Most days she stays busy tending to her kids and the mess they like to leave behind them, but she loves them, and she loves her life.
I used to have this saying, "Worry only comes, when you interfere with God's plan". I read it in a book a very long time ago. I try to remember that there may be truth to that. But since I first read that, I've had a lot of things happen in my life. Some good, some bad. Both worry me. What if the good goes away? What if more bad comes? My husband tells me I create problems that don't exist. I swear I'm not a pessimist....at least not until I'm left alone with my thoughts.
I have learned, though, to coach myself in better thinking habits. Whenever my worries start to surface, I talk myself down. Like, literally, I tell myself I need to shut up and quit thinking crazy! I tell myself to stop worrying about anything that hasn't happened yet. I sometimes have to put myself at ease by making a contingency plan, so that if a problem does arise, I already have the answer. Ha! Clever (insert smiley here). The other tool I have is prayer. I have faith that God knows what he's doing. You may not have that, but to each his own, I have no judgement.
But then there's this good that comes out too. It's where the best of my writing happens. It's where all my ideas are born. I can be stressing over something and BAM! Words and ideas start flowing and if I don't sit up and write them down, they are gone forever.
All of my problem solving needs happen when the house is still and quiet, and I'm left alone with myself. I should celebrate my insomnia, and anxiety. It forces me to deal with myself, and confront my fears rather than ignore them. It's where I can tweak my insecurities, acknowledge my faults, maybe try to figure out how to be a better person. It's a way for me to recollect my day and show myself the parts that need work, but where I was good too.
Embrace quiet time with yourself. Face your own thoughts, and fears. Don't be afraid of your anxieties. Confront them. Understand them. Learn from them. Turn that worry and anxiety into something good. Use it to build your positive thinking. You never know, something beautiful may come from them.
Elizabeth Ladd has worked in various retail positions for nearly 15 years. For five of those most recent years she was a manager of a Starbucks Cafe. In 2010 she was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis which forced her to step down from her position so that she could focus on her three wonderful children, her supportive husband and most importantly her health. Currently she is a stay at home mom who loves to dabble in writing what's on her mind. Most days she stays busy tending to her kids and the mess they like to leave behind them, but she loves them, and she loves her life.
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