Maybe it’s the stress from this time of year. Or maybe it’s the fact that I like Twitter so much more than Facebook. Heck, maybe it’s because my doctor told me I’m perimenopausal (I had to look that up...and I’d just like to say that there’s no way I’m old enough to have to deal with THAT yet). But it seems to me that lately my Facebook newsfeed has gotten out of hand. It’s always been a bit of a narcissistic outlet for the crazy but recently the “friends” in my newsfeed have stepped up the crazy. What was once a sure-fire way for me to see a few cute pics of my cousin’s kids or get a nice ego boost after seeing that a particularly nasty girl from high school is a grandmother before the age of 40 (ha!) has turned into torture. It’s so bad that I find myself cringing every time I log on. What will so-and-so complain about today? What liberal/conservative article will so-and-so post and then rant about? I wonder what so-and-so’s passive-aggressive post will be about today? The constant drivel is totally ruining my Facebook fun, which is probably why I’ve been stuck at Level 256 on Candy Crush for over a month. In order to salvage what little fun may be left for me on Facebook, I’ve started “unfollowing” people. I haven’t unfriended them, just taken them out of my newsfeed. It’s made my daily log-ins much more pleasurable, but I’ve unfollowed so many people, I’m down to mostly ads and “People You May Know” suggestions.
1. Post a daily selfie.
No one, not even your mother, wants to see a pic of you every.single.day. Grow up, put on something besides a tank top and spandex pants and use the camera on your phone to take pictures of your kids. They’re cuter than you are, trust me.
2. Complain about how tired you are.
You’re tired? News flash...we’re ALL tired. We all have kids, jobs, husbands, errands, etc. And please, save yourself the time and energy and don’t bother posting when you’re up at 3am because you can’t sleep. We don’t care that you used that time to clean two bathrooms and address your Christmas cards.
Guess what? You stole that crap from Pinterest/Etsy. And I know you did, because I did too. I just didn’t feel the need to pat myself on the back and post it to Facebook.
4. Upload pics of the awesome “Beer-A-Day” advent calendar you gave your husband.
See #3. (And you made the poor guy pose for a picture with them? Shame on you. Put your camera down and let the man drink his beer in peace).
5. Post a photo of you and your man in bed.
I promise, no one is happier than I am that you and your man are reunited after a 12 month deployment. Upload all the pics of the reunion at the airport that you want. Show me a video of him surprising your kids at school. Post hundreds of photos of you and him, the tears, the cute coming home dress you bought, etc. But for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT post the two of you in bed snuggling. There are some things I can’t unsee...and this is one of them. His hairy chest (and back) are yours to love, not mine.
I could go on. And on. And on. Instead, I think I’ll head on over to Twitter. 140 character or less is a good thing. For both of us.
Many Kind Regards,
Tired of Facebook? Read about Jodi's hiatus from Facebook for Lent here.
Original image credit: Nate Bolt Flickr
Kim Cunningham was born and raised in the Midwest. In college she majored in Communications (with a minor in partying). It was there that she met her husband, a super cool guy that wore a uniform every Thursday to class. 20 years, eight houses, two kids, one dog and eight deployments later Kim is a happy wife, mom and special education teacher. She currently resides in Northern Virginia with the same super cool guy (who still wears a uniform) and two awesome kids. Her hobbies include reading, writing and taking as many Disney cruises as possible.